Childhood should be whimsical, nurturing, and validating. But for many children, this is not the case.

Some children may have parents who care for their children physically but don’t quite know how to support their children emotionally or spiritually. These types of parents are known in the therapy community as emotionally immature parents.

An emotionally immature parent is one who fails to meet your emotional needs, both as a child and as an adult. No matter what happens in your life, they will keep you at the center.

In other words, it’s all about them, their emotional needs and what’s going on in their day. Emotionally immature parents often have difficulty regulating their emotions.

Emotionally mature parents are the opposite: they are parents who are more able to interact with you emotionally. They are able to truly recognize, understand, and validate your emotions without taking them personally or trying to change how you feel. Emotionally mature parents possess emotional intelligence, which enables them to navigate their emotions in an effective and nurturing way when communicating with their children.

This level of support allows children to grow and gives them the space to be their authentic selves rather than imposing their own wishes on them.

Whether someone is emotionally immature or has mature parents has a lot to do with how they were raised. These behaviors are tailored to them, so they think they should handle situations with their children.

Often, emotionally immature parents tend to grow up with emotionally immature parents. It gets passed down from generation to generation until we realize that’s what’s going on and work to heal the wounds caused by emotionally immature parents.

Below, experts share the signs of an emotionally immature parent and what to do if you have (or are experiencing) one.

They emotionally dump on their children.

Emotionally immature parents cannot handle their emotions well. In fact, emotionally immature parents confide in their children about their adult problems.

This could be anything from work problems to marital problems to financial difficulties.

Emotionally immature parents tend to do this because of the hierarchy that exists in the parent-child relationship. Parents who can’t self-regulate now turn to their kids because it feels safe, it feels comfortable, it feels like, “Oh, this is like a non-threatening person that I can pour everything I have onto him.”

If you were a child and heard about all these adult issues, you can imagine how confusing it felt, but you eventually learned how to deal with these emotions.

This often results in children shutting down emotionally or projecting onto others. Additionally, it can make children feel that they are responsible for their parents’ moods and emotions.

Emotionally immature parents rely on their kids for emotional support.

Another important sign is relying on your children for emotional support. As a result, they may seek a level of validation, comfort, and companionship from their children, and the care flow has been closed.

Children are not able to properly provide their parents with the support they need (and should not have to), so this leads to another problem.

Another trait is that they will get angry at you for not being there for them the way they want. So, emotionally immature parents often want you to know what they want and need. If you can’t, or you can’t support them in the way they want to be supported, they will have an emotional outburst at you.

They possess a lack of empathy.

Emotionally immature parents fail to recognize how their emotions affect those around them.

Such parents may have difficulty understanding their children’s feelings and needs.

Think about it: A person who makes everything about themselves won’t be able to think about how a decision or conversation affects you.

They struggle with boundaries.

If your parents refuse to respect your boundaries or have issues with their own, that’s a red flag.

It’s possible to go either way – they may set boundaries that are too strict, or at the other end of the spectrum, extremely loose, making it hard to find a balance.

What’s more, they also have a hard time accepting the boundaries you set for them. For example, if you ask your mom to call before coming to your house, she may get angry and continue to come over unannounced.

They use guilt and the silent treatment as a weapon.

As you grow up and work to set boundaries with emotionally immature parents, you may notice them using shame or guilt as a weapon.

This might sound like “Oh, you never let me see my grandson again” or “No one called me back.”

Additionally, emotionally immature parents often adopt a silent attitude. If they are unhappy with your behavior, they will avoid talking to you instead of talking about the problem like an emotionally mature person would.

You’ll think you’ve done something wrong, even though it’s always been a power struggle.

They often have inconsistent behavior and reactions.

Often, when emotionally immature parents have difficulty at work, they frame it as everyone’s problem—even if it has nothing to do with their children or spouse.

This can lead to emotional outbursts in the family. They really don’t have the ability to regulate their emotions and that separates them from their parenting.

This can also lead to inconsistent behavior. For example, if your mom usually helps you with your math homework but is having trouble at work, she may explode when you ask for regular help.

As a result, they may react unpredictably to situations, resulting in inconsistent parenting.

They don’t respect your individuality.

Another characteristic is that they don’t respect your individuality. When we think about healthy family systems, parents are raising their children to be individuals and people outside of themselves, and you want to start that early.

Even if your children are young and still dependent on you, you should make an effort to encourage (and respect) their likes and dislikes. So, ultimately when they become adults, the transition will be smoother.

When you respect your children’s individuality, you see them as people with their own values, beliefs, and boundaries. However, emotionally immature parents cannot do this.

Here’s how to take care of yourself if you have emotionally immature parents:

If you notice your parent or caregiver engaging in any of the above behaviors, take a deep breath. The most important thing is to recognize this fact – it will help you feel less alone.

There’s a name to this type of parent that means you’re obviously not alone, and I think that in itself can feel very validating.

You should also trust yourself to notice this: It’s not easy to admit that your parents have shortcomings.

I think it’s hard because sometimes it’s hard for people to admit that their parents maybe didn’t do what they needed to do when they were kids. However, I think both of those things are probably true: your parents tried their best, but at the same time, they couldn’t give you what you needed as a child because they didn’t get what you needed as a child.

Reparenting is an important part of recovery. To do this, pay attention to what you needed but did not receive in your childhood. This could be emotional support, a chance to express your opinion, or unconditional love. You can give these things to yourself as you re-nurture yourself.

In addition, social support is also important, we cannot choose our parents, as an adult you can choose to have a family in your life that can provide you with the support and support you truly need.

I think that’s a really important thing, to find people in your life that you think can give you support.

When it comes to your parents, it’s important to set clear and healthy boundaries around what you do and don’t accept from them.

If you think you are an emotionally immature parent, there are things you can do to break the cycle.

Emotional immaturity is a learned behavior that has likely been passed down in your bloodline for generations.

The fact that you want to do something different breaks a cycle in itself, so that’s always a really good first step, and your ability to recognize your own behavior is emotional maturity in itself.

In order to combat this behavior, it’s important to be self-aware and pay attention to your own triggers – what pulls you into emotionally immature situations?

A therapist can help you learn to self-soothe, create an emotionally supportive community so you don’t feel you have to rely on your child, and heal any wounds you may have had from childhood.