When facing adolescent children, many parents feel that they are facing a “fragile handicraft” and must be careful not to make mistakes; but often the more careful they are, the more problems their children will encounter.

A Child’s Performance Is Related to the Child’s Psychological Development Stage

There are very few meaningful things, and few meaningful things are spontaneous and decided by oneself, so he will feel that the current things are meaningless.

“Everyone talks about studying and reading, but what’s the use of reading so many books? Will it be used in the future? If you don’t use it, isn’t it a waste of time? What’s the point of reading?” Many teenagers who are tired of studying have no concept of learning. I have many questions about reading.

At the same time, exploring his life narrative wasn’t a quick and easy way to get feedback. It is full of unpredictable choices, so he will feel confused and afraid of the future.

They will ask in their minds: “Who am I? What kind of person do I want to be? What is my position in society? What position will I be in?”

Answers to various questions require them to explore and find answers. In this process, you will repeatedly experience meaninglessness, hesitation, and anxiety; these are necessary experiences in life and personal growth.

Therefore, most adolescent children have experienced this experience to some extent deep inside.

The “Amplification” Effect of Growth Environment

In addition to the impact of the child’s psychological development stage, the environment in which they grow up will also have an impact.

Every pair of parents raises and takes care of their children’s growth with good expectations for their children.

Children who are expected to grow up can experience their importance, which tells them “I am needed and valued” and brings them a sense of joy.

However, excessive attention and excessive expectations will put pressure on them. Expectations that exceed their capabilities will make them doubt whether they are capable of meeting them; and whether excessive expectations will lead to more disappointment and attacks if they fail; especially when the path that parents expect their children to take is inconsistent with what they want in their hearts. They will also bear more psychological burden and guilt, and their parents will also feel more loss and anger.

Therefore, it is easy for children to lose confidence in their abilities and studies. Behind their dislike of learning is more fear and uneasiness. They are afraid that they will fail, and they do not want to see the disappointed eyes of their parents. They feel that they are not good enough, and they feel deeply inferior and anxious.

At the same time, looking deeper, parents who have excessive expectations for their children are themselves under a certain amount of pressure, and they have anxiety, dissatisfaction, disappointment, and uneasiness in their hearts. Behind many vulnerable children is a parent who is anxious, restless, and feels powerless.

In this kind of parent-child relationship, parents will over-protect their children and impose more restrictions on their children due to their insecurities.

As their children grow up, parents project that fragile part of themselves onto their children. Behind the fear that their children will have problems is more of a fear that they will not be able to cope with it.

In addition, in the social environment, the role of students also bears many expectations and pressures. Intensive courses and examinations, a cruel admission system, and competition among peers are all huge rocks that weigh on them, and they require a certain amount of strength and perseverance to support them.

At this time, they were like being in a deep bridge, unable to resist the hopelessness generated by their environment, so they had no choice but to escape.

How to Deal With It?

Perhaps this is part of the growth that both parents and children have to face together.

Parents feel powerless, angry, disappointed, and struggling; children feel meaningless, angry, self-blaming, and doubtful… These are their real experiences and feelings in this relationship, and they are also problems faced by each other.

During this period, children need to confirm their “willingness” and are willing to forget food and sleep and get good grades now, not because of their parent’s expectations, or social regulations, or to discard the external voices in their heads: You have to do this, try to explore your path.

When he exercises personal freedom to fulfill his wishes, the happiness and creativity he experiences, and his inner courage and confidence in facing difficulties will be completely different.

Conclusion

How to face and spend such a period, children need not only mature guidance, but also someone who can listen and understand their anxieties, help them stabilize their emotions, understand themselves and the world, and fill in the blanks in their lives.

Many times, due to some limitations, children’s problems cannot be answered in time by their families and teachers. It is also often due to parents’ improper communication methods that have the opposite effect. At this time, you might as well choose to have psychological counseling to help your child get through adolescence better.